Micki's Musings

Hello self. I know you're a bit weary of the relationship games. The patterns have become predictable, and the people are the same. I'm sorry the good men can't see you and the bad ones are so tempting. I know you love your friends and all they bring to your life, and I know a part of you is sad every time you're surrounded by such sweet souls who don't want to keep you. I know you're craving someone with enough courage to let you love him. For whatever reason, it isn't your time. Maybe it's for your kids, maybe it's for your friends, maybe it's because he isn't ready yet and is being refined into someone who can come close to deserving you. Just know, it's always progress.  Every day, you're getting closer.  Every time one of the good ones can't see you, it's because someone better for you is coming.  God is guiding all of it. Have patience. Have faith. Be complete as you are. Let the Savior be your partner. Someday, someone

Usually, I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm feeling so light and carefree and joyful that the feeling bursts out of me and I annoy my kids by bouncing around the house and belting out a Disney ballad or a popular pop song that they used to love but now will hate forever. Today, I sang because I didn't know what else to do. I don't remember the last time I had a panic attack. It's been at least two years, I think, since that full on, can't catch my breath, mind is spinning, I don't feel safe feeling took over. I don't know why it came. I mean, the world is in the middle of a pandemic, electoral chaos, division and strife galore, but my own personal world is actually going pretty dang well. I did just break up with someone, but only after a few weeks of dating. I am still recuperating from catching the virus that has flipped the world on its head, so there's that. I guess I need to give myself a little more grace as far as realizing there are

I still mourn every so often for the life I thought I'd have. The life I ought to have. I know it's dangerous to think that way, and I don't let myself occupy that space for too long, but it creeps up sometimes and I allow it a moment. It's a valid, real thing, to be sad I couldn't keep what I wanted so badly. Tonight, I dropped my son off to be with a friend in the neighborhood we used to live in. It's not far from where we live now, and being there doesn't usually bother me. But tonight, families were strolling down the sidewalks, neighbors were chatting on front lawns, the sun was setting on a beautiful summer night, and I remembered when that used to be us. The place we live now is also beautiful and peaceful and full of neighbors to chat with, but there's something special about that old place that can't be replicated or replaced. It was supposed to be home forever. Now it's gone. It helps a bit to remember that it was mostly all pr

Some time ago, I had a fascinating experience in the temple . I love that place. It truly is a space where we can commune with God more closely than most other places on the earth. The veil is thin there. I have felt connections with loved ones gone before, loved ones still to come, and increased connections with loved ones here on earth as I have worshiped within those hallowed halls. During a temple session, I connected with a far distant, but oh so precious relative of mine: Eve. It's no secret that part of the temple ordinances pertain to the creation and the experiences of Adam and Eve. Throughout this particular session, I felt I understood her on a deeper, more personal level than ever before, so much so that I saw myself as Eve. It was as if I was the one who chose to eat the fruit and make those commitments to God. It was a beautiful, sacred experience. At the time, I felt I was just getting a glimpse of a much greater message that Heavenly Father wanted to com

We're in the middle of a worldwide pandemic from the COVID-19 virus. It's been fascinating to watch the various reactions and responses by individuals and government entities. It's been fascinating to watch the responses of myself and my children. It sent us spinning into trauma mode there for a little bit, particularly when we found out we wouldn't be returning to school at all this year. That was tough. The daughter and I both cried. The son went to his bedroom for a couple of days. We all retreated into our survival spaces and had some unhealthy behavior patterns reemerge. But we fought through it like we always do, and now we're readjusting to this new normal. It really brings out the worst and then the best in us. Here are a couple of things I've learned about myself as a result of being trapped inside the house and inside of my head: 1. I still have a lot to work through. As I have been forced to occupy my mind more often, I've discovered some