Note to Self

Hello self. I know you're a bit weary of the relationship games. The patterns have become predictable, and the people are the same. I'm sorry the good men can't see you and the bad ones are so tempting. I know you love your friends and all they bring to your life, and I know a part of you is sad every time you're surrounded by such sweet souls who don't want to keep you. I know you're craving someone with enough courage to let you love him. For whatever reason, it isn't your time. Maybe it's for your kids, maybe it's for your friends, maybe it's because he isn't ready yet and is being refined into someone who can come close to deserving you. Just know, it's always progress. 

Every day, you're getting closer. 

Every time one of the good ones can't see you, it's because someone better for you is coming. 

God is guiding all of it. Have patience. Have faith. Be complete as you are. Let the Savior be your partner. Someday, someone will come along to join the two of you in your journey, and he will love the Savior as much as he loves you.

Don't settle. It's better to be lonely alone than to be lonely in a relationship.

Remember these things, and remember how extraordinary you are.

To my future husband:

I don't need you.

I am competent, capable, and complete without you. I know how to take care of myself and my children. I've stitched up my own wounds, cried on my own shoulder, conquered my own demons, and I fight my own battles. I don't rely on you to fix anything for me or rescue me from anything. And that is the greatest gift I can give you.

I don't need you--

I choose you.

I don't need you by my side, but I want you there. I know I can do it without you, but I know, together, we can do more. I choose to cherish and honor and respect and adore you. I choose to be vulnerable and honest with you. I choose to trust you. There is no desperation there, no codependency or helplessness. There is me, my complete self, ready and able to stand alone, but choosing you to stand at my side because you are the kind of man who deserves to be there. The man who belongs there. 

Because you choose me, too.

I hope to see you soon.

Until then, I'll continue working on becoming the woman who deserves you in return.