Micki's Musings

It's testing time. In all the places, in all the ways, testing is happening. My students are taking tests. My students are testing me. Do I have enough patience to tolerate it all? Have I learned enough about boundaries to maintain my own sanity? I'm a bit of a weirdo when it comes to testing. It's extremely stressful to prepare for a difficult test, but then, once I get into the actual exam portion, I thrive. I feel almost disappointed when the exam is over. I often feel like I had even more to give, if only the instructor had pushed me a little harder. This happens in the cases where I'm well-prepared. If I'm not prepared, or if the test feels ridiculous because the instructor isn't any good, then I just do my best. I feel like life tests are more like the first kind. There is a really good instructor. He gives us all the material we need. Sometimes, though, I misunderstand the material or get distracted and don't prepare correctly. When I'm prepared a

I'm allowed to want things. For so much of my life, I maintained this mindset that denying myself the things that brought me joy somehow elevated my existence. I didn't feel like I was living according to God's will if I allowed myself to have what I wanted.  That's messed up. We're told to sacrifice, to deny the natural man, to have discipline. Yeah, we need to not commit sin in the name of self-care, but is it really God's will for me to be miserable all the time? Absolutely not. This mentality is still a factory setting for me, though. I still struggle to be comfortable doing what I want to do, especially  if it means putting myself before the needs or wants of other people. But I've been practicing. I'm moving. I didn't have a big revelation to move out of this tiny, sweet little town. I didn't have some vision of how uprooting my family from the one place they've had as a consistency in their lives would be a good thing, but small--and a