Labels

I don't see myself as a victim. I recognize that other people do. Other people who know what my life has been and watched me experience it easily call me "victimized." I'm not a fan of the victim label, however. I do accept certain labels for myself, but not that one.

I know people who refuse to label themselves or others at all. They believe labeling is akin to stereotyping, and sometimes it is. But to me, certain labels are more of a diagnosis. Like when I discovered the label/diagnosis "codependent." Knowing what I was dealing with and that other people dealt with it too was very helpful to me. I'm learning that it's important, however, not to say "I am codependent," to define myself, but use it as a way to recognize those tendencies in myself.

If I had a physical disease or disability of some sort, I would learn to recognize my symptoms and care for myself accordingly. It would be foolish to refuse to acknowledge that one has a disease, but one does not have to be defined by it. I recognize I have codependent tendencies, but they are becoming much less overpowering now that I am not in the toxic relationship that fed them. Now, as I develop new relationships and resuscitate old ones, it's something I keep in the back of my mind to make sure I don't go there again.

Another way labels can damage is if one uses them as a crutch. I could make excuses for myself all the time and say, "I'm codependent, so of course I'll take on all of your problems as my own. It's just who I am." As I've stated before, there's a difference between understanding and accepting where we are in life, versus making excuses to stay there. Labels can be dangerous if used as excuses.

What I try to do is use my labels to help me heal. If a label is more of an excuse than a diagnosis, I do not accept it.

Victim is not a label I find helpful, so I don't choose to apply it. The word victim, to me, implies a sense of helplessness that I do not feel. I have been through traumatic experiences, and I have scars from those experiences, but I choose to grow from them, not use them as excuses to be miserable. Others might need that label to process through things. They might need to recognize their trauma and accept it. That is powerful and beautiful and a helpful label for them. It doesn't work for me.

I have triggers and reactions to things that are out of my control sometimes, but my reactions to those triggers are within my control...sometimes. Other times, I recognize that I am experiencing a symptom, and so I accept it and work through it. Denial and suppression do not help me handle problems. Sometimes I employ those tactics to survive a moment or situation, but they cannot be permanent solutions.

I deal with codependency as well as other weaknesses, just like everyone else. They are a part of my life and I accept that I have scars and symptoms from them. The scars make me more interesting and empathetic.

But I define myself in other ways. I am a mother. I am a friend. I am a daughter of God. I am intelligent, kind, and determined. I will never give up, and I am worth it. These are the things I focus on. These are the things that give me my wings and the courage and strength to soar.