It's fun.

Yesterday, I spent the day in bed with a migraine. I felt it right when I woke up and tried to keep it at bay, but by late morning I had sharp, stabbing pain in my temples and a stomachache that snatched any appetite. I took ibuprofen and sipped water and rested and rested and rested. This came along with a cold sore and after a very long work week.

I had intentionally blocked out yesterday for catching up on chores and prepping my taxes and processing some paperwork I hadn't had a chance to complete earlier in the week. I was tempted to be upset and frustrated, but I decided to check in with myself instead.

My body and my brain were trying to talk to me and I decided to listen. I chatted with myself yesterday. I laid in bed and binge-watched a show and drank water and ate applesauce (my favorite sick day comfort food) and visited with me.

My mindset lately has been one of work-really-hard-right-now-so-I-can-relax-and-play-later. It's not an uncommon mindset for an entrepreneur, or even a non-entrepreneur. I've heard it said lots of different times in lots of different ways. Work hard, play hard. Work now, play later. Even in the scriptures it says, "come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." It's a mindset of sacrifice now for a reward that comes later--and that reward is rest and playtime--and I'd never thought to question it.

As I lay in bed yesterday, crashing once again after pusing myself too hard as is my usual pattern, I questioned myself and my thought processes, searching for a better way. I quit my previous job and shifted my life in this new direction so I would stop crashing, so I would stop working myself to the point where my body demanded a break because my mind wouldn't recognize I needed one, and here I found myself in the same space again.

My old self would have accepted my fate and recognized it as a normal cycle that I just had to deal with. My new self likes to examine different possibilities. Yesterday, I didn't find any answers, but I gave myself a nearly guilt-free day off because that's what I needed and called it progress of a different sort.

And then today, Heavenly Father showed me a new way.

I was listening to a talk by David A. Bednar called "Consider the Wondrous Works of God." I wasn't paying very close attention as it was just another talk that rolled up in my playlist as I was getting ready for church, but some pieces of it sank into my recently churned up psyche and I realized how much work is part of the joy of the journey.

I thought about how I get to wake up every day and help people improve their lives. I thought about how I get to control my day, my hours, my interactions. I thought about how much I learn every day and how I get to connect with so many new people in so many ways. I thought about the oportunity to take time for my children, time for my friends, time for my family.

I thougth about how my mind sees as "work" all the things that are simply purpose and motivation and choice. I shifted my mindset around the idea of work and have seen a new perspective. I like working. It's fun.

I like this. It's fun.

That's my new mantra whenever I am facing a task I used to see as something to get out of the way in order to get to something "better." I like doing the dishes. It's fun. I like running illustrations. They're fun. I like making cold calls. It's fun. And I'm not even lying to myself, because all of those things mean accomplishment, progress, productivity, moving forward, choice. All of those things mean I'm alive and doing and being.

And I like being alive and having choice and doing all of these things to grow and learn and serve and experience existing.

It's fun.