Transcend

The other night, I had a dream.

In the dream, I was in a fantastical garden with massive, tree-sized flowers and streams that flowed with golden liquid. A palpable energy radiated from the liquid, and it gave life to everything around it. In one area was a large, spindle-like plant that dipped up and down continuously. A row of large pods ran beneath the spindle. Each time the spindle dipped, it popped a pod that released the golden liquid that flowed to join one of the many streams.

In this garden, I was hosting a fancy party. Many people were there wearing beautiful dresses and fancy tuxes. I had on a floor length, sparkling, golden gown. I looked beautiful. I glowed. 

I hosted well, making sure everyone's needs were met and that things were running smoothly. Then, a man came. In my dream, I was in love with this man. He greeted me in a friendly way and we spent most of the evening together dancing and having a wonderful time. He even helped me greet guests and make sure everyone was fed. He was charming, funny, sweet, helpful, everything I wanted, but I could tell he didn't love me the way I loved him. 

As the night came to a close, I had to know for sure how he felt about me. I told him I loved him and asked him to love me back. He looked away from me over to a table where a large woman lay splayed out and comatose, her eyes hooded and drool seeping from her mouth. She seemed ill and drunk and unkempt. Nevertheless, he turned away from me to go to her. I grabbed his arm and asked him to stay with me, but he refused. He went to her instead.

I fled, heartbroken, to the area where the spindle plant released the life force from the pods. In my mind, I had to make sure things were still running smoothly. I had to make sure that, even in my heartbreak, at least everyone else would be taken care of and happy. I arrived at the mechanism and watched it plummet downward to pop the next pod and release the life-giving essence.

I'm not sure if I fell or jumped, but I found myself tipping forward, off the small ledge, and landing on my back on top of a pod just as the spindle plunged through us both. At first, there was pain. Then, the energy from the pod poured into me, and I was transformed.

I became so much more than I had been before. I no longer just glowed, but radiated light. I became, not just a hostess, but a queen. Suddenly, all the partygoers were no longer my guests, but my envoy. In my periphery, I acknowledged the man trying to make his way through the crowd to me, but my focus was much greater, now. I had so much more to do than simply host this party. So many people were entrusted to my care. So many lives needed my influence. I became everything I needed to be and everything everyone around me needed me to be. I transcended to a different space. 

I still felt some sadness, some loss. I still wished for a more simple time, for that something that I imagined was real but never actually existed. But that sadness became small inside of the greater force that propelled me onward, upward, that expanded my vision and drove my purpose. In the dream, I rose above the garden, surrounded by my envoy, and we were shown a view much more grand and beautiful than the now simple garden space we had occupied before. We rose above it all, and in that moment, I awoke.

Transcend. That's the word that symbolizes what I gained from this dream.

That's what I need to do. That's what I need to be. 

Rise above, move forward. Not in order to be better than anyone or look down on anyone, but to be a beacon, find other beacons, and lead people to the light. I need to stop holding space for people who cannot see me and who do not want to transcend themselves. I need to stop holding space for people who hold me back. I need to love everyone, learn from everyone, value everyone and their experiences, but I have to stop letting people into my envoy who choose not to ascend with me. I have to stop letting unsafe people into that space where they have power to hurt me. 

I hope I can figure out how to do that.

I'll keep trying and working and learning how to do that, and how to learn all the rest of the things.

Transcend.

Eyes up, chin up, heart open, mind focused, priorities in line, vision clear. Intentional, transcendent. 

I hope I can get there some place other than my dreams.