Center
2/21/17
I can't sleep and I can't figure out why. I'm on day five of tossing and turning all night long. I'm not dealing with higher than normal levels of stress in any area of my life as far as I can tell. I'm feeling better, being there more for my kids, staying off social media more often, creating and maintaining healthy boundaries with people in my life, including men. I'm feeling more stable and whole. I'm eating better, exercising kind of regularly. I'm dealing with the ex without huge anxieties.
But I lay awake at night with these disjointed thoughts that, to my logical mind, don't really impact me too much. I am fighting an internal battle that I do not understand. I'm trying to write it out to work it out, but I don't know what it is. Things are good. Things are okay. Why can't my mind recognize that? Is this some kind of new level of depression? Are my chemicals imbalancing in some new way? If so, why?
2/22/17
I had been trying my own meditation to calm and center myself, but it wasn't working, so yesterday, when I had a rare hour to myself, I searched through my podcasts and found a meditation called "Deep Centering." I figured that was what I needed, so I turned it on. It worked.
I still am not completely sure what it was that was causing my sleeplessness. I'm assuming it was a combination of things, including anxiety, hormones, stress, etc. But the meditation helped me let so much of it go.
A big chunk of the experience had me focus on my center. I searched for my center at first in my abdomen, the literal center, but it didn't feel right. I moved to my chest, my heart, thinking my center was there, perhaps, but it didn't feel authentic. Then I thought of what I learned at seminar about chakras. The crown of the head is the cosmic consciousness, enlightenment, and connection to deity. I searched for my center there, and found it. That was what had been off balance most, missing more than I realized. As I adjusted to make that my center, things began sliding back into place. I calmed and floated to a sphere of peace. It was amazing and very...centering.
I can tell I'm still not completely in balance. Some adjustments still need to be made, but I'm so grateful this big piece fell back into alignment.
I am very religious and believe that gospel principles are the main foundation and building blocks to finding peace, but I also believe that God speaks to us in many different ways. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we block or struggle to connect with one of God's languages. I was reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, but found it so hard to focus that I could not hear what He was trying to say to me through those avenues. He is so loving that He provides multiple connections to Him through multiple means. There is peace and truth in anything that connects us to Him. We must use our discernment to determine what is needed at what time. He has given us so many tools and opportunities. He has provided so many systems, and He places just the right people in our lives.
Right after I finished the meditation, a couple of my friends came over to visit, and talking with them helped me realize something else very important to help me center myself even more. Throughout our visit, I realized I had been giving way too much emotional energy to people that did not deserve it and did not need it. While I have been getting better at creating and maintaining healthy boundaries, I had still been getting caught up in the toxicity of some people in my life who I greatly care about, but who are not safe to me. I had been struggling with my boundaries with these people because I did not want to cut them out of my life, but had been, as I said, giving them too much energy. I realized this element of my imbalance and made the decision to refocus my emotional energy to my children and myself. I can still be supportive of others. I can still care about others. But only those who return positivity and light will be given any real pieces of me.
Once that clicked into place, I knew it was right, because I felt lighter and peaceful and even more centered.
Hooray for figuring some things out and hooray for understanding that I will not always understand. Hooray for progress and growth and steps in healthy directions.
One step at a time.
Line upon line.
Centering and balancing
and not giving up.
I can't sleep and I can't figure out why. I'm on day five of tossing and turning all night long. I'm not dealing with higher than normal levels of stress in any area of my life as far as I can tell. I'm feeling better, being there more for my kids, staying off social media more often, creating and maintaining healthy boundaries with people in my life, including men. I'm feeling more stable and whole. I'm eating better, exercising kind of regularly. I'm dealing with the ex without huge anxieties.
But I lay awake at night with these disjointed thoughts that, to my logical mind, don't really impact me too much. I am fighting an internal battle that I do not understand. I'm trying to write it out to work it out, but I don't know what it is. Things are good. Things are okay. Why can't my mind recognize that? Is this some kind of new level of depression? Are my chemicals imbalancing in some new way? If so, why?
2/22/17
I had been trying my own meditation to calm and center myself, but it wasn't working, so yesterday, when I had a rare hour to myself, I searched through my podcasts and found a meditation called "Deep Centering." I figured that was what I needed, so I turned it on. It worked.
I still am not completely sure what it was that was causing my sleeplessness. I'm assuming it was a combination of things, including anxiety, hormones, stress, etc. But the meditation helped me let so much of it go.
A big chunk of the experience had me focus on my center. I searched for my center at first in my abdomen, the literal center, but it didn't feel right. I moved to my chest, my heart, thinking my center was there, perhaps, but it didn't feel authentic. Then I thought of what I learned at seminar about chakras. The crown of the head is the cosmic consciousness, enlightenment, and connection to deity. I searched for my center there, and found it. That was what had been off balance most, missing more than I realized. As I adjusted to make that my center, things began sliding back into place. I calmed and floated to a sphere of peace. It was amazing and very...centering.
I can tell I'm still not completely in balance. Some adjustments still need to be made, but I'm so grateful this big piece fell back into alignment.
I am very religious and believe that gospel principles are the main foundation and building blocks to finding peace, but I also believe that God speaks to us in many different ways. Sometimes, for whatever reason, we block or struggle to connect with one of God's languages. I was reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, but found it so hard to focus that I could not hear what He was trying to say to me through those avenues. He is so loving that He provides multiple connections to Him through multiple means. There is peace and truth in anything that connects us to Him. We must use our discernment to determine what is needed at what time. He has given us so many tools and opportunities. He has provided so many systems, and He places just the right people in our lives.
Right after I finished the meditation, a couple of my friends came over to visit, and talking with them helped me realize something else very important to help me center myself even more. Throughout our visit, I realized I had been giving way too much emotional energy to people that did not deserve it and did not need it. While I have been getting better at creating and maintaining healthy boundaries, I had still been getting caught up in the toxicity of some people in my life who I greatly care about, but who are not safe to me. I had been struggling with my boundaries with these people because I did not want to cut them out of my life, but had been, as I said, giving them too much energy. I realized this element of my imbalance and made the decision to refocus my emotional energy to my children and myself. I can still be supportive of others. I can still care about others. But only those who return positivity and light will be given any real pieces of me.
Once that clicked into place, I knew it was right, because I felt lighter and peaceful and even more centered.
Hooray for figuring some things out and hooray for understanding that I will not always understand. Hooray for progress and growth and steps in healthy directions.
One step at a time.
Line upon line.
Centering and balancing
and not giving up.
I love this! "I can still be supportive of others. I can still care about others. But only those who return positivity and light will be given any real pieces of me." I think that's my favorite part.
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