Twenty-Three to Life

Today would have been 23 years with him. I didn't notice until later in the afternoon when the date stuck in my mind for a moment and I had to think why. It's a curious musing to wonder what life would have been like if he hadn't been him and I hadn't been me. Some of our friends who married the same time as us are still together. Some divorced before we did. Some divorced after. Life is still life-ing for us all.

The beginning of 2003 held so much excitement and promise, and it delivered in a multitude of ways with the birth of our daughter.

The end of 2004 was learning our son was on the way.

Two-thousand-five to 2006 was his deployment, and the beginning of a decade of splitting my life in two: heaven with my children and hell with him.

Now we just began 2026 and I'm on the verge of the greatest joy of my life with a new son-in-law and a grandbaby on the way.

It's his grandbaby, too, I suppose. I didn't think of that until now, either. I wonder if he's met the child already. I wonder if he's telling the baby all about his or her mama and how wonderful she is. I hope so. I hope he's happy for his own baby girl and excited his posterity is growing. It's nice I can say that and mean it. I hope he's happy and can be interacting and enjoying things there since he'll miss out on all of it here.

It would have been 23 years, but now, for me, it's been nearly a decade of getting my life back. A decade full of heartache and struggle and beauty and exponential growth. A decade of preparing. I posted on social media a thank you to 2025 for all the joy it brought me and an aloha to 2026, welcoming all the additional joy on its way. "I'm ready," I wrote at the end of that post.

I do feel ready. The last decade has been such a preparation and now it's time for yet another evolution. I'm ready to level up, to transcend, to fly, to expand, to be seen and heard. 

I've met someone as well. I've met a man who is all the things. I've never been so attracted to every single thing about someone. We're spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically compatible. Today, I was talking with him about my goals and he reminded me, I don't have to do it alone. He encourages me to expand and supports my dreams without being intimidated by them. He's incredible. He's all the things.

His encouragement motivates me even more than ever before to expand and become who I truly am. That's how we talk about our growth. It's not that we're "new" people, but that we're unleashing our most pure and powerful versions of ourselves that got covered up by the gunk of life.

I've been in a bit of a holding pattern for the last year. It's been like a waiting room for me to be safe from myself and the world while things were getting ready. This limbo phase is coming to a close for me, as long as I have the courage to step into the next adventure. It's more terrifying and more grand than any before it. My arms are open wide to receive. The deluge of blessings has been beautifully overwhelming thus far. I don't know how I'll manage the tidal wave of what's next.

Bring it on. This year, I've learned how to sail.