Goddess

This week, my scripture study has been on the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Our discussion during Sunday school focused partly on death and decay and how that's part of the process of life. Quite a few members of my ward are elderly, so this theme was handled a little tongue-in-cheek as many are feeling the effects of physical limitations and aging bodies and minds. We also discussed what would happen to us if the resurrection never took place. There is a scripture in 2 Nephi chapter 9 that discusses how we would essentially be in hell for the rest of our existence if we could not be resurrected. We would exist as Satan exists. 

I rolled this around in my mind and wondered why even those spirits who were righteous in this life would be doomed to such misery without the resurrection, and it occurred to me that it's because they would be trapped in one state for eternity without the possibility of progression. If we did not have the opporunity to regain our bodies, we would be trapped in an incomplete state. Things are manifested first spiritually but then made whole and perfect once they are manifested physically as well. Without the physical body being united once again with the spirt in its perfect form, we could not progress to the next phase of existence, and eventually to Godhood. 

We would be unable to move forward, expand, and create. The very essence of existence seems to be formed around the idea of continual expansion and abundance. God Himself is ever-expanding and ever-creating as we ourselves glorify Him as His creations. He creates worlds without number, then passes on His knowledge and abilities to those who desire it, and those children continue to create and expand, thus adding to the Father's expansion. Worlds without number. Children unending. Creation and expansion for eternities. We are meant to be part of that experience, and if we become trapped in one place without the opportunity to create and expand, it becomes a veritable hell for us.

As mortal beings, decay is part of creation. We must deteriorate in order to transcend. Like a tree shedding its leaves, a reptile shedding its skin, if we want to expand and reform, we must destroy what was before and step into the new. Destruction is part of creation.

I'm fasting today for peace. I'm asking for clarity and courage. This transformation, this destruction I am moving to enact is one of the most terrifying thus far. The skin I currently occupy is familiar. It's safe. It's predictable. And it's so tight it's suffocating me. I can no longer exist in a space where I am limited by my illusion of security or bowing to others' expectations. I need to exist in a space of expansion and growth. 

There couldn't be a more stark contrast between the space I am leaving and the space I am entering. The old space is one where I must align my will with others with whom I don't completely agree. I must do as I am told. I must buy into structures and processes that are outdated and ineffective and sometimes even damaging to those they are supposedly designed to assist. The old space is decaying, and it's time to transcend.

The new space's structure and pattern is one of agency and accountability. In the new space, I choose for myself. The new space is designed to support and supplement, but not force. The new space is full of optimism and positivity and ambition. The new space is patterned in a way where I can build and create and share and grow and allow others to do the same in a way that is productive and rewarding and exciting. In the new space, I am given the flexibility to expand as much or as little as I choose to, and no one else's expectations determine this. In the new space, I am free.

By their fruits. See the patterns. Feel the spaces. One is an obvious choice over another. I still feel attached to my decaying space a little bit. For a while, it was a growth space, and I am filled with gratitude for all I gained there. I mourn the loss of all I will miss, for there is much of value and much of good in that space. 

But now, it is time for me to be more and have more and do more than I could before. It's time shift into this new realm where I will wake up each day not dreading what I must do but excited for what is next. Where I will be light and peace and love that will overflow from me more abundantly into the lives of others. My goals and vision and path and focus are renewed, refreshed, and rejuvenated.

From my burned out ashes, I am building a roaring flame. 

Destruction to creation, again and again, 

ever evolving, transforming, creating, growing,

expanding

for eternity.