Ringing it in
It's a new year. Can't say I'm sad about saying sayonara to the last couple of years. Here's to new beginnings and the continuation of journeys full of healing and learning and loving and living.
I partied hard with friends this weekend. Had a good time. Mostly, though, I learned some stuff.
Playtime is good for me. But, if it's self-care time, it needs to be about me. I had planned a fun-filled weekend where I wanted to head up to north and participate in a bunch of activities with mid-singles up there. I invited people. People said they would come, but could we change this thing and that thing? Then people said they weren't coming anymore. Then people changed their minds again and wanted to come if we changed this or that other thing again.
My weekend turned into their weekend.
Lame sauce.
It was still fun, but I discovered that many mid-singles--especially those who have never been married or never had children--struggle to live for anyone but themselves. They don't consider that a commitment to be there means a commitment to be there. Or that an "I can't make it" doesn't mean "Oh wait, I changed my mind last minute and can I now crash on the floor of the hotel room you just cancelled because I said I wasn't going to be there?"
Ugh.
It really was a blast, though. I make everything fun if I want it to be fun. We danced our way through Las Vegas up to Salt Lake City and I looked so hot I burned holes through my feet (blisters from dancing all night in heels). I jumped on hotel beds and danced next to the pool and sang my guts out to Katy Perry and Pink in the car. I make things fun if I want them to be fun. But I gave up what I wanted for the things the others wanted. Next time, if I really need a glitz, glam, good time for me, it gets to be about me.
That's one thing I learned.
I also learned and have been learning...dating isn't that fun any more. Being social is fun. Friendship is fun. But dating boys...less fun.
The last date I went on is a perfect example of how I feel about dating men in general. Ready for a story?
Once upon a time a Boy texted a Girl and said, "Hey, I have a business dinner coming up and it's plus one. Would you like to join me?"
Girl thinks, "Cool, he wants me to join him for a holiday work thing or something. I'll get to dress nice and go out to dinner and visit and get to know this fella better."
Girl responds "Sure! I just need to rearrange a few things and I'll be able to make it." (Because Girl's life is very full and if she's going to give you a few hours of it you better make it worth it, am I right?) So Girl rearranges her busy schedule to accommodate the date and is looking forward to it.
A few nights go by and Boy and Girl end up at a mutual friend's party. Their date is set for the next night. Boy approaches Girl and says, "So this dinner should be really great. It's at *insert delicious and expensive steakhouse name here*. I'm looking forward to it." Girl is looking forward to it as well until Boy says his next sentence: "We just have to sit through a couple hours of a sales presentation and then we'll get to eat."
Crickets.
Girl swallows guffaw and holds her breath until she gets into her car and can start slightly hysterically laughing out loud. Oh yes, she is so special to this fella to be his arm candy to accompany him at his free dinner.
What. The. Bleep.
Of course Girl goes anyway. It's a free steak dinner, and she learns whole bunches about aluminum insulation. Boy never texts her again and she doesn't care.
So, basically, this is what dating has become for me: a disappointing joke full of men who don't understand my worth or treat me the way I deserve, and I'm weary of it. It's not fun anymore.
The dating happened, the partying happened, but you know what? The best part of the weekend...of the month...was ringing in the new year with my two favorite crazies at our own home with our popcorn and movies and treats and watching the neighbor's fireworks and feeling whole and content and at peace with exactly the way things are.
I'll still date if it happens. I'll still play with my friends if it fits into my schedule. I'll stay open to fun and friendship and even love it if it wanders my way, but wishing for what isn't and wanting what can't be right now, those are getting farther away, and I'm definitely okay with that.
I partied hard with friends this weekend. Had a good time. Mostly, though, I learned some stuff.
Playtime is good for me. But, if it's self-care time, it needs to be about me. I had planned a fun-filled weekend where I wanted to head up to north and participate in a bunch of activities with mid-singles up there. I invited people. People said they would come, but could we change this thing and that thing? Then people said they weren't coming anymore. Then people changed their minds again and wanted to come if we changed this or that other thing again.
My weekend turned into their weekend.
Lame sauce.
It was still fun, but I discovered that many mid-singles--especially those who have never been married or never had children--struggle to live for anyone but themselves. They don't consider that a commitment to be there means a commitment to be there. Or that an "I can't make it" doesn't mean "Oh wait, I changed my mind last minute and can I now crash on the floor of the hotel room you just cancelled because I said I wasn't going to be there?"
Ugh.
It really was a blast, though. I make everything fun if I want it to be fun. We danced our way through Las Vegas up to Salt Lake City and I looked so hot I burned holes through my feet (blisters from dancing all night in heels). I jumped on hotel beds and danced next to the pool and sang my guts out to Katy Perry and Pink in the car. I make things fun if I want them to be fun. But I gave up what I wanted for the things the others wanted. Next time, if I really need a glitz, glam, good time for me, it gets to be about me.
That's one thing I learned.
I also learned and have been learning...dating isn't that fun any more. Being social is fun. Friendship is fun. But dating boys...less fun.
The last date I went on is a perfect example of how I feel about dating men in general. Ready for a story?
Once upon a time a Boy texted a Girl and said, "Hey, I have a business dinner coming up and it's plus one. Would you like to join me?"
Girl thinks, "Cool, he wants me to join him for a holiday work thing or something. I'll get to dress nice and go out to dinner and visit and get to know this fella better."
Girl responds "Sure! I just need to rearrange a few things and I'll be able to make it." (Because Girl's life is very full and if she's going to give you a few hours of it you better make it worth it, am I right?) So Girl rearranges her busy schedule to accommodate the date and is looking forward to it.
A few nights go by and Boy and Girl end up at a mutual friend's party. Their date is set for the next night. Boy approaches Girl and says, "So this dinner should be really great. It's at *insert delicious and expensive steakhouse name here*. I'm looking forward to it." Girl is looking forward to it as well until Boy says his next sentence: "We just have to sit through a couple hours of a sales presentation and then we'll get to eat."
Crickets.
Girl swallows guffaw and holds her breath until she gets into her car and can start slightly hysterically laughing out loud. Oh yes, she is so special to this fella to be his arm candy to accompany him at his free dinner.
What. The. Bleep.
Of course Girl goes anyway. It's a free steak dinner, and she learns whole bunches about aluminum insulation. Boy never texts her again and she doesn't care.
So, basically, this is what dating has become for me: a disappointing joke full of men who don't understand my worth or treat me the way I deserve, and I'm weary of it. It's not fun anymore.
The dating happened, the partying happened, but you know what? The best part of the weekend...of the month...was ringing in the new year with my two favorite crazies at our own home with our popcorn and movies and treats and watching the neighbor's fireworks and feeling whole and content and at peace with exactly the way things are.
I'll still date if it happens. I'll still play with my friends if it fits into my schedule. I'll stay open to fun and friendship and even love it if it wanders my way, but wishing for what isn't and wanting what can't be right now, those are getting farther away, and I'm definitely okay with that.
Comments
Post a Comment