Screaming
He took my voice again.
Today, I prepared for a hearing wherein I was going to present evidence that showed his psychopathy, that showed how dangerous he is, that showed how emotionally and physically unsafe he is around our children. I prepared to protect them. I was ready.
And then he took my voice.
Again.
I sat there for two hours while he spewed his lies across the stand, so thick and ridiculous you could almost see them dribbling down the face of the podium. He got two hours babbling away like he does, talking in circles and getting himself and the rest of us confused. He got TWO HOURS.
I got nothing.
Yep, at 5:00 pm the judge said, we're done, here's my verdict. Bye. At 5:00 pm the judge decided, based on ONE SIDE of the evidence, that my daughter was traumatized and my son was not, and my son would be forced to see his father without supervision and my daughter's visitation would have to be supervised. Well, partial victory, right? At least our daughter is safe from him, kind of. So, partial win, right? Ah, but the thing is BOTH of my children are traumatized by him. BOTH of my children are unsafe with him and BOTH of my children need to be protected from him.
I didn't even get to try. I didn't even get to have my say at all, not one word. Because of a clock. Because a clock is more important than fairness, than justice, than the safety of my children. I already knew court was a sterile place. I already knew it would be a taxing time and the the ex would babble on about his lies. I knew that. I was prepared for that. But to be cast aside, to be ignored, to have my voice stolen again and the fate of my children decided based on lies.
No.
Never, ever again.
No more silence. No more stepping to the side only to be walked on. No more keeping quiet to be "proper" or "appropriate" or "socially acceptable."
Now, I'm going to scream. I'm going to scream about injustice. I'm going to scream about abuse. I'm going to scream about mental illness and inequality and protecting children. I'm going to scream until my voice reverberates in every head, in every heart, in every soul. Those who hear truth will hear it as music in themselves. Those who hate truth will hear it as their own anger and fear. And I will keep screaming.
I will scream for me, and I will scream for the others as well. I will be a voice for those whose voice has been silenced. I will be a voice for them until they learn to find their own. I will create a place, a space for voices to be heard, for all of us to scream together, all of us who want peace and safety and healing and love. We will scream it together and it will be a beautiful, powerful, magnificent message to those who love truth, to those who are seeking their own truth. We will become a band, a multitude of voices shouting our truths together and we will never be silenced again.
Once again, I will take this attempt to silence, this attempt to destroy, and I will make something powerful and indestructible. My children will grow from this as well and learn to protect themselves, to become powerful in their own right. They will be okay. They are in God's hands. They will have a voice that I will never stifle, and they will be heard.
In the meantime, I will show them how to scream and how to soar.
Today, I prepared for a hearing wherein I was going to present evidence that showed his psychopathy, that showed how dangerous he is, that showed how emotionally and physically unsafe he is around our children. I prepared to protect them. I was ready.
And then he took my voice.
Again.
I sat there for two hours while he spewed his lies across the stand, so thick and ridiculous you could almost see them dribbling down the face of the podium. He got two hours babbling away like he does, talking in circles and getting himself and the rest of us confused. He got TWO HOURS.
I got nothing.
Yep, at 5:00 pm the judge said, we're done, here's my verdict. Bye. At 5:00 pm the judge decided, based on ONE SIDE of the evidence, that my daughter was traumatized and my son was not, and my son would be forced to see his father without supervision and my daughter's visitation would have to be supervised. Well, partial victory, right? At least our daughter is safe from him, kind of. So, partial win, right? Ah, but the thing is BOTH of my children are traumatized by him. BOTH of my children are unsafe with him and BOTH of my children need to be protected from him.
I didn't even get to try. I didn't even get to have my say at all, not one word. Because of a clock. Because a clock is more important than fairness, than justice, than the safety of my children. I already knew court was a sterile place. I already knew it would be a taxing time and the the ex would babble on about his lies. I knew that. I was prepared for that. But to be cast aside, to be ignored, to have my voice stolen again and the fate of my children decided based on lies.
No.
Never, ever again.
No more silence. No more stepping to the side only to be walked on. No more keeping quiet to be "proper" or "appropriate" or "socially acceptable."
Now, I'm going to scream. I'm going to scream about injustice. I'm going to scream about abuse. I'm going to scream about mental illness and inequality and protecting children. I'm going to scream until my voice reverberates in every head, in every heart, in every soul. Those who hear truth will hear it as music in themselves. Those who hate truth will hear it as their own anger and fear. And I will keep screaming.
I will scream for me, and I will scream for the others as well. I will be a voice for those whose voice has been silenced. I will be a voice for them until they learn to find their own. I will create a place, a space for voices to be heard, for all of us to scream together, all of us who want peace and safety and healing and love. We will scream it together and it will be a beautiful, powerful, magnificent message to those who love truth, to those who are seeking their own truth. We will become a band, a multitude of voices shouting our truths together and we will never be silenced again.
Once again, I will take this attempt to silence, this attempt to destroy, and I will make something powerful and indestructible. My children will grow from this as well and learn to protect themselves, to become powerful in their own right. They will be okay. They are in God's hands. They will have a voice that I will never stifle, and they will be heard.
In the meantime, I will show them how to scream and how to soar.
I'm loving this new direction!
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