Exhale

One year ago, I was on a tropical island surrounded by the people I loved.

This year, I'm on a different tropical island, and I'm celebrating the new year alone.

It should be sad, and it is, just a little bit. I'm still healing some, but it's more of a growing pains ache than a feeling of loss. 

This time last year, I thought I was gaining a whole new family and a whole new life. Instead, I am by myself now more than I ever have been before. There is a melancholy about it for sure, but also, a peace. I feel gratitude more than anything else during this moment. I'm grateful I am not trapped in a relationship that is not healthy for me. I'm grateful my children are growing into such extraordinary humans. I'm grateful for the health and vitality I have physically and emotionally and spiritually. I'm grateful for the amazing people in my life who love me and want me to be happy. I'm grateful for adventure and new things and new places and new experiences and new faces. I'm grateful for opportunities. I'm grateful for hope. I'm grateful for joy.

I watched the sunset on the beach tonight, by myself, and examined the flow of emotions that came to me. The sunset was a very unique one, with the clouds thick on the horizon and the sun blazing a brilliant red so I could look right into it. I stood waist deep in the ocean and felt the gentle tug of the waves rock me and stared into the sun and connected with the grandeur of all the things and my place in them. I imagined that sunset was just for me and me alone, and then I thought how silly I was to think that as the beach full of onlookers enjoyed it with me. Then I thought why not? Why can't it be for me and everyone else gets to enjoy it, too? And I decided that's how I exist now. I get to feel that special and that loved and that precious to my Father. And I get to share that feeling with as many people as I can who want to feel it, too.

Happy joyful, grateful, abundant, beautiful, breathtaking, peaceful new year.