Settled

Settled.

It's the best description of how I feel right now. The boxes are unpacked or stored. The items are organized. The illness has passed. The mindset has shifted. Things are settled once again. More settled than they have been in a really long time. 

So many burdens are lighter, now. The storm that encompassed me a couple of weeks ago has passed. Things are resolving. I am in my own space in a lot of ways. In more ways than I ever have been before.

I'm still Mama. I'll always and forever be Mama. Every day at least one of my kids calls to ask questions or update me on goings on. I love that so much. I love that they want me to be involved and I also love that they are figuring out their own spaces in their own ways.

I'm also daughter again. I've always been daughter but my dad gave me a hug today and told me he loved me and my mom thanked me for helping with this and that around the house. I'm daughter but I'm also daughter/friend. 

I'm single also. Not a sad single but a relaxed single. An open to possibilities but in no kind of hurry flavor. Energy is very real. Since I relaxed into this new kind of single, all kinds of men are reaching out and wanting attention. Desperate energy pushes them away. Relaxed energy draws them in. I'm in no hurry. We'll see what happens. I do know I need to stay single for a while and discover more about how to stay true to myself and not get consumed by whomever I am with. Lots of work still to do on that.

I'm in my own space and taking up my own time. I'm no longer an ex-wife or a codependent enabler or a slave of a toxic work environment. It's amazing. It's my reality. Right now, I'm watching the sunset from a porch swing while I write in my journal. There's a storm nearby so the air smells like rain and the sunset through the clouds is brilliant. I'm all alone and peaceful in that space. What a gift. What a blessing. 

The storms create clouds that create brilliance. Every creation is preceded by a destruction. In my last entry, I asked, now what?

The answer is, whatever I want to create.

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